Mothercraft {Part III-Areas 7-9}

Family Ties and Respect for Parents

1. Enjoyment by parents of each other's company

2. Respect for each other's opinions.

3. A truly self-reliant outlook on life.

4. Treatment of the child with respect as an individual, a person worth consulting.

5. Enjoyment in doing things together as a family.

6. Sensible use of family income and joint decisions about its use.

7. Skills or traits in each family member that the others are proud of.

8. Recognition of lasting values rather than desire for excitement and amusement.

9. Acceptance of community responsibility.

Strengthening Values in Family Life

7. If each member of the family has some trait or skill that the rest can be proud of, family unity will tend to be stronger. Even while children are very little they begin to show personality differences. Molly's family is pleased because already, as a 4-year old, she is so friendly that everyone likes her. Two-year-old Mark may have a very different temperament, but he may show a quickness of observation that is very well worth encouraging. If Father is proud of Mother's skill in cake making or house decorating, and if Mother is sure no gardener has a "greener thumb" than Father, the children just naturally expect that things they do well will be pointed out too. It is wholesome for everyone in a family to be proud of everyone else (but totally unnecessary for outsiders to have to hear about it). And there is usually something for which each one can be praised if we stop and hunt for it.

8. Parents who have asked themselves what they mean by "good family life" are trying to find the values in their way of living. Of course, people seldom live up to the ideals they have, but they certainly won't live up to ones they haven't even thought out.

The valuable parts of family life are the byproducts of all the work that goes into making a home. It isn't how varied or well-cooked the food on the table is (though that helps) so much as it is the atmosphere at the family table; it is not the cost of the curtains at the window so much as it is the eagerness with which the children look out of the window to see their father coming home. It isn't what kind of car the family has, how they enjoy themselves when they go out in it.

The family's attitude toward life is what make the difference. If the parents have lived lives in which excitement to fill in the vacant spots was all they hunted for, the values of their family life for their children will be very different from those of parents who never have time enough to do all the creative, interesting things, they have piled up ahead of them.

9. Acceptance of their responsibility in the community in which they live is one way parents can round out family life. Children are very proud of parents who enter into the life about them, who are taking part in and contributing to the community and not just receiving from it.

When a family chooses a home because it is "in a good neighborhood," they immediately have to shoulder part if the responsibility for keeping the neighborhood "good." If they are truly community-minded, they will already have been interested in the school and active in community projects, not just selfishly for their own children but for the good of all children. Having children is what often starts people toward becoming community-minded.

Mothercraft {Part II}

Thought I'd share another section from my newly purchased 1950's manual on how to build a healthy family.

(Photos are from our annual family trip to the lake.)

Play

"All children need things to play with and a place to play. But it isn't necessary to provide expensive toys to keep a child constructively happy. Anything he can hold and handle freely will fascinate a young child. Common household objects like pots, pans, spoons, clothespins, cartons, the garden hose, a tub of water and dozens of others, may be excellent toys for small children. In most cases the child can be taught to adventure without hurting himself or breaking anything, but if there are accidents he should not be scolded too severely.

A child should be welcome in every room in the house as long as he behaves with reasonable consideration for others. This applies to the kitchen too, where even little children may sometimes "help" with a meal.

Wise parents always try to find ways for their child to do the thing he enjoys doing, instead of trying to stop him from being active. They try to find out how to make the things he wants to do safe for himself and for others. Then they let him go ahead to his heart's content."

A Sense of Humor

"When household chores pile up for Mother, when Father comes home tired from a long day in shop or office, and Johnny is especially trying-- when you feel you can't take another thing-- then is the time of times for a sense of proportion and, if you have one, a sense of humor! There's nothing more relaxing for both parents and child than a good laugh together. When you are tense and tight, your child gets worried. When you are relaxed, he relaxes too. A good corny joke that child and grownup enjoy together helps keep the atmosphere in the home easy and good-natured.

Laughing with a child is a very different matter from laughing at him. Remember always that even the youngest child has his dignity to uphold. When he is teased or laughed at he feels very small and helpless, as well as insecure. Making a child feel small shows fundamental disrespect for him, and a lack of sensitivity to his vulnerable spots."

Mothercraft {Part I}

Alistair and I decided to head to the dollar bookstore this evening for a little browsing. We both love reading and I found the coolest book. Lately I've been thinking that the American family unit has forgotten some important basics. Some of the older foster parents that I work with seem to have something in their families that this modern era doesn't deem necessary. When I saw this book I thought perhaps I could find some pearls of wisdom in regards to family. The book is called "The Complete Book of Mothercraft: A Collection of Expert Advice for Successful Parenthood"

Prepare yourself for a time-warp as it was published in 1952. The language in itself is entertaining and I like what it says about various aspects of home life. Read with a grain of salt.

What Makes A Good Home

"A good home depends primarily on parents who have formed a going partnership. This doesn't mean that they never disagree, or even that they never quarrel. But it does mean that the parents have some sort of united front and have come to an understanding on the major principles of child rearing. If they have done this, their children will know it and will take the minor disagreements in their stride. A child's sense of security is based on the feelings of people around him far more than on his parent's financial condition or the material things they give him.

Parents don't have to be perfect. Nobody should expect them always to be controlled and calm; parents need to blow off steam occasionally. If it doesn't happen too often it may clear the atmosphere all round. If one hold's to a fairly consistent course, their children will weather the minor upsets."

Children Need Two Parents

"To children, Father and Mother represent everything that is manly and womanly. They tend to model themselves after their parents; when they're young their dearest wish is that some day they may be like them. If one or the other parent is missing from the home, this vision becomes blurred, and the child's conception of what a man or woman should be like tends to be confused. A serious breach between parents, with or without separation, is always a threat to a child. He is tempted to use one against the other for his own interests, or is torn with doubt as to whose side he should be on. If he sees his parents permanently angry and hateful toward each other, it's harder for him to master his own anger and his own aggressive impulses. The rock on which his house is built is no longer a rock, but something unsure and shaky."

Hmmm... interesting.