Mothercraft {Part III-Areas 7-9}

Family Ties and Respect for Parents

1. Enjoyment by parents of each other's company

2. Respect for each other's opinions.

3. A truly self-reliant outlook on life.

4. Treatment of the child with respect as an individual, a person worth consulting.

5. Enjoyment in doing things together as a family.

6. Sensible use of family income and joint decisions about its use.

7. Skills or traits in each family member that the others are proud of.

8. Recognition of lasting values rather than desire for excitement and amusement.

9. Acceptance of community responsibility.

Strengthening Values in Family Life

7. If each member of the family has some trait or skill that the rest can be proud of, family unity will tend to be stronger. Even while children are very little they begin to show personality differences. Molly's family is pleased because already, as a 4-year old, she is so friendly that everyone likes her. Two-year-old Mark may have a very different temperament, but he may show a quickness of observation that is very well worth encouraging. If Father is proud of Mother's skill in cake making or house decorating, and if Mother is sure no gardener has a "greener thumb" than Father, the children just naturally expect that things they do well will be pointed out too. It is wholesome for everyone in a family to be proud of everyone else (but totally unnecessary for outsiders to have to hear about it). And there is usually something for which each one can be praised if we stop and hunt for it.

8. Parents who have asked themselves what they mean by "good family life" are trying to find the values in their way of living. Of course, people seldom live up to the ideals they have, but they certainly won't live up to ones they haven't even thought out.

The valuable parts of family life are the byproducts of all the work that goes into making a home. It isn't how varied or well-cooked the food on the table is (though that helps) so much as it is the atmosphere at the family table; it is not the cost of the curtains at the window so much as it is the eagerness with which the children look out of the window to see their father coming home. It isn't what kind of car the family has, how they enjoy themselves when they go out in it.

The family's attitude toward life is what make the difference. If the parents have lived lives in which excitement to fill in the vacant spots was all they hunted for, the values of their family life for their children will be very different from those of parents who never have time enough to do all the creative, interesting things, they have piled up ahead of them.

9. Acceptance of their responsibility in the community in which they live is one way parents can round out family life. Children are very proud of parents who enter into the life about them, who are taking part in and contributing to the community and not just receiving from it.

When a family chooses a home because it is "in a good neighborhood," they immediately have to shoulder part if the responsibility for keeping the neighborhood "good." If they are truly community-minded, they will already have been interested in the school and active in community projects, not just selfishly for their own children but for the good of all children. Having children is what often starts people toward becoming community-minded.