Maybe...

I have been going through an incredibly difficult time lately. And somehow I have felt like it really serves a purpose in my life. For me at least, there is nothing that occurs in my life that is meaningless. For the past several months I have wondered night and day, what IS the purpose for this trial?

I think it's pretty hard to break through my comfortable life. I have a very comfortable life. A far reaching deeply loyal family. Parents with a solid healthy marriage, and who would give me anything they have. I have money, a stable job, I own my home... I have a red beach cruiser with a little bell to jingle for Pete's Sake. Two cats to cuddle. Nieces, nephews, cousins...Difficulty can't touch me. I'm superhuman. Oh wait. Got a little carried away there. Fortunately God knows just the thing that will help break me out of my dependence upon my SELF. What will snap me out of an unhealthy pattern by which I am getting my needs met.

So through this all, I am realizing... Oh. I need Him. I need a God. Because I am human and humanity is messy and hard. It stands to reason that I need the being who created this place to help me navigate it. Without Him it's all meaningless. Like spitting into the wind. Today on my way home I heard this song and it couldn't be more relevant to my life.

It's called "Fall Apart" by Josh Wilson. Here are some of my favorite lines:

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place

Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You

I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

Maybe... just maybe this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.