Saturday, July 30, 2011

Healthy Energy

I learn so much from this show about life. I hope it never ends. I love the part where Cesar says, "He needs to work on calm and assertive energy. He can't really be assertive because he feels bad. And feeling bad is weakness."

It taught me that our energy that we carry, is directly correlated to what we believe. If we feel shame, guilt, etc. that is unhealthy. That is an unhealthy state to be in, and yet so many of us remain in this state for a long time. It harms our spirit to believe things that bring shame and guilt.

Conviction is one thing, but it is for a time and then intended to move us forward into repentance. We must live in the moment. Live day by day and release those things which we have repented for. Guilt and shame mean we have stayed in a moment too long. The moment is over, but our spirit it stuck there. The only way to move the spirit forward is through either repenting, or forgiving.

I hear Cesar say certain things and it just connects for me in life.

"I am not here to tell you that you cannot be aggressive. But I am here to tell you that you have another choice."

"I was really apprehensive at first (I didn't trust), because of past experiences, but little by little that feeling ebbed away. In the end it was a joy."

I love this stuff.

Friday, July 29, 2011


“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

-Ernest Hemingway

Thursday, July 28, 2011

And I quote...

"I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers."

~Henry David Thoreau

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Au Jardin

Oh my back hurts. I'm getting old. Lol. Gardening is quite a bit more exercise than I felt it was 10 years ago. Lol.

I don't know what got into me this week, but I was sick and tired of looking at dead plants for the past year. I figured it was time to get my garden back in shape.

Sydney found herself a nice little spot to watch the activities from a safe distance. I'm not fooled little girl I KNOW you'll be out there digging in all that fresh dirt as soon as I turn my back. :)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

::Tuesday's Tea With Me::

Good Morning! Welcome to the Tea Partaaay!

To open things up this morning I thought I would ask a question and hear what you guys have to say this week. Now I’m genuinely asking, because it kind of has me stumped. You ready? Here it goes:

What is the different between love and pity?

Monday, July 25, 2011

Whoa. What is that?

Look what I found while gardening! It was so much larger than the bees I thought "Whoa. What is that!" This thing was intelligent. It totally weirded me out. Honestly, it didn't like me following it with my camera. It kept taking passes at my head. It scared the H-E- double hockey sticks out of me. I couldn't get too close because it seemed to be aware of me, unlike the cute little bees that amble about my flowers all day long.

I googled it and its definitely a wasp. Golly. I don't really see wasps around here. I knew that if I made it too mad I would probably tear off screaming while he flew after me, so I figured I'd just be content with the so-so pictures I got, and save myself the drama.

Friday, July 22, 2011



Thursday, July 21, 2011

Baking Banana Bread

I love to bake. It maaaaay have something to do with sweets, but I can't be entirely certain. Never-the-less... after seeing my friend Liz's beautiful banana bread photo today, I had such a craving that I had to go to the store and get bananas for my own loaf. The first thing I will tell you about baking... and this is the very most important part... you must wear a cute apron. It makes everything turn out much better. Secondly, you must play music that you love while in the kitchen, and lastly use fresh ingredients people. None of this baking soda that has absorbed every smell in your fridge.

And it always helps to have a "secret" ingredient as well.


I'm beginning to understand that it's the simple things in life that increase its quality.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Yey! A Treat!

I don't often reward myself. I am just now realizing this. I tend to take life's rewards as they come. But today I thought you know what, I'm going to treat myself.

It's downloading as we speak.


It seems my whole life can be surmised in these little quotes as of late. Apparently God is not telling me the destination but is happy to direct my attention to the road signs. :)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

For Camryn

I decided today that I was going to make homemade bread. It may seem random but when you are reading an Amish novel...

So I went to the store to purchase all the ingredients. I had to get a bunch of stuff. Yeast, flaxseed, poppyseed, bread flour, dry milk... While I was there I even ran into my little friend Camryn. I should have taken a picture of her. She is TOO cute. ;)Anyways, she heard I was making bread, so here's some pictures for you Camryn. What do you think? Was it a success?

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Words of Wisdom


I have been going through an incredibly difficult time lately. And somehow I have felt like it really serves a purpose in my life. For me at least, there is nothing that occurs in my life that is meaningless. For the past several months I have wondered night and day, what IS the purpose for this trial?

I think it's pretty hard to break through my comfortable life. I have a very comfortable life. A far reaching deeply loyal family. Parents with a solid healthy marriage, and who would give me anything they have. I have money, a stable job, I own my home... I have a red beach cruiser with a little bell to jingle for Pete's Sake. Two cats to cuddle. Nieces, nephews, cousins...Difficulty can't touch me. I'm superhuman. Oh wait. Got a little carried away there. Fortunately God knows just the thing that will help break me out of my dependence upon my SELF. What will snap me out of an unhealthy pattern by which I am getting my needs met.

So through this all, I am realizing... Oh. I need Him. I need a God. Because I am human and humanity is messy and hard. It stands to reason that I need the being who created this place to help me navigate it. Without Him it's all meaningless. Like spitting into the wind. Today on my way home I heard this song and it couldn't be more relevant to my life.

It's called "Fall Apart" by Josh Wilson. Here are some of my favorite lines:

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place

Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You

I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

Maybe... just maybe this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Saturday, July 16, 2011


I only had to move a couple things around.

Playing Cat and Mouse

I went on a long hike today. I haven't been in quite a while and it was so refreshing. I saw lots of wonderful things, but chose not to take my camera with me this time. But the real treat I discovered upon my arrival home. I walked in to put my pack down and I noticed Sydney crouched and staring very intently at the decorative pillow on the floor. I immediately said, "Uh oh." I thought to myself I bet its a mouse. See for yourself.

Cutest little mouse. I didn't have the heart to let Sydney have it. Look at those ears. Presently both cats are certain its still under the pillows but I saw it run into the closet. Off I go to get a box and take it outside. Wish me luck. These little things are fast and they can really jump.

Friday, July 15, 2011


This video makes me laugh and laugh. It's my all time favorite.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

::Tuesday's Tea with Me::

Lately I have been re-reading this book called Boundaries. It's a fairly popular book and I read it when it first came out. I thought it was great. In fact I thought it was really great... FOR the boyfriend I was dating at the time. (You can see where this is going.) 8 years later... eehh hem... I now think the book is great for ME.

The first thing I have drawn from the book was about saying No. Which I shared about last week. Apparently saying "No" is closely related to having healthy boundaries. Ha! Well the whole "No" thing has led me into even deeper thought and I am wondering, why do we feel so violated when someone does not accept our No?

I don't know about you, but I get really really pissed when people don't accept my no. Which is peculiar because usually my no isn't like a nice sugar-coated no. It's usually over compensated for and comes out like a pit bull barking. I'm so scared to say no to people, that I have to pump myself up. In the heat of my offense I can bark out a boundary. But to say no when I'm calm and lucid, scares the heck out of me. Frankly I don't really know how to say No in a gentle way. Then there are those nice people, that aren't so nice, but ask you to do things, that you don't want to do, in such a nice way that you can't say No. But wait.... I shouldn't be basing my decision on how nicely they asked, or on my fears of reprisal. I should be deciding if I can give them what they are asking for based on if I have it to give or not. And if I DO, then I need to decide if that person is special enough for me to give it to them. Because here was another real thunderbolt for me.... we are limited beings. I have limits! I only have so much, and not everybody is going to get a piece. I know. It's just completely distressing.

Where did I learn to receive a request and go straight into: If I say No they won't like me anymore. I'll never get invited again. If I don't watch their dog, they'll never watch mine. If I tell them I would normally charge for that, they won't think I'm nice. Thats what God calls us to be right? Nice. Oh that's not in there? I could have sworn the first commandment was: Be "nice."

So I took these feelings as a clue, and went a little deeper still. In school I learned that anger is always a secondary emotion. It always comes after we have felt something else. Something vulnerable like embarrassment, fear, shame, etc. So... when someone doesn't except my No, I get angry. I get angry because I feel something else? And that would be... Let me think about this.

Violated. Why do I feel violated? Ummm... because... I'm being violated. Lol. Okay. So that means they are taking something that is not theirs. Which would mean that I am not actually required to give it to them. Huh! It’s mine, not theirs. Interesting. My time is mine. Good to know. So you mean I don't have to give an answer? I can say No I don't want to give that to you. I don't have enough time this week, or rudest of all I can say simply, “No,” with no explanation. NO EXPLANATION! Ooooo.....

All of the sudden I am realizing, that what I give in relationship with people is sacred. It’s holy. It’s what I choose to give without any demands placed upon me. Do I even get a reward for letting people weasel me out of something that belongs to me. Last time I checked the newspaper nobody received a reward for having their home burglarized.

Growing up in church they always talked about how virginity is ‘holy’ or ‘sacred.’ Great. What does that look like exactly? In everyday life I mean. So I clustered a group of “holy” things together and looked at what was common about them? For example: sexuality, marriage, and communion. All of the sudden holy starts looking different to me. It means there are qualifications to participating in these things right? You don’t give what is precious and holy to just anyone. I mean the juice and crackers that the kids get while listening to the story of Noah’s Ark on a felt board isn’t called communion. That’s just a snack. Communion is not community property. It’s a member’s only kind of deal. In fact that is what strikes us so wrong about prostitution isn’t it? Taking something that is holy and objectifying it, making it community property. Something priceless is given a price.

I guess what I am saying is that our friendships, our relationships, and our time is holy. Our time is our life. And life is holy. When we share what was shared with us in private, with others, we have poured out something holy. We have acted like prostitutes. I have begun to feel that we are socially way off balance in this area. And I am one of the worst, most out of balance I have to admit. We are so connected to others in a superficial way, that we give information that is unique and special about ourselves to people who paid no price in friendship, passed no test of loyalty, and gave nothing in return. In doing this, we treat something that is incredibly valuable, as though it is very cheap.

How do we discipline ourselves to act differently in our social interactions? Sounds like a discussion for next Tuesday. I’ll look into that question and see what I can find. Can’t wait to see ya next week. Until then, I'll leave you to hang out with Sydney. (Who, apparently doesn't concern herself with these types of things.)

Friday, July 8, 2011

Amidst these stones...

Somehow whenever I visit here, I find some GOOD perspective. Life always transforms into something so deeply sacred amidst these stones. Something to cherish for all that it gives rise to. No matter what I face, a stroll through this place puts my soul at ease. Today I sat on the hill and simply existed. And of course I brought my camera along so that you could do some exploring yourself.